Who are you when nobody is watching?

I want to ask you something that can feel surprisingly uncomfortable:

Who are you when you aren't achieving anything?

Not who are you when you're winning.

Not who are you when people are impressed by you or what you did.

Not who are you when you're productive, needed, successful, attractive, helpful, disciplined, or accomplishing something.

Who are you when none of that is available to you?

This is where identity gets interesting. Because you can spend years building an identity around what you do.

The responsible one.

The successful one.

The strong one.

The smart one.

The dependable one.

The unshakable one.

The one who has it together.

The one everyone can count on.

And those identities can serve you for a long time. Until they don't. And there is a time, when they don't.

Eventually, you may find yourself asking: Do I actually want this, or have I just become very good at wanting what I’m good at? Gosh, I LOVE that question. I celebrate and applaud when clients ask that question.

The next version of you may not require you to become more impressive. The next version of you may require you to become more honest.

More honest about what you want.

More honest about what you don't want.

More honest about what you're tired of carrying.

More honest about the standards you actually care about versus the ones you inherited.

Your identity isn't a résumé. It's not your accomplishments. It's not the opinions people have of you.

It's the person you decide to be.

And that means you get to decide again. You can outgrow an identity without invalidating the person you were.

You can still be ambitious.

You can still want extraordinary things.

You can still have high standards.

You can still care deeply.

You simply stop making your worth dependent on proving those things.

So here's your question for the week:

If nobody could praise you for your answer, what would you actually choose?

Don't rush to answer it.

Let it bother you a little.

Notice what comes up.

Because sometimes the first sign that you're getting closer to yourself is that the life you've been performing starts to feel a little too small. That performer part starts to feel a little more exhaustion than energizing.

And that discomfort might be an invitation.

I love these conversations with you. Truly.

Take gentle care,
JM