The End of Cuffing Season
Cuffing season is officially over, marked by the passing of Valentine’s Day. Cuffing season begins in the fall and ends with the coming of springtime. It is the time of year when people find the idea of a romantic relationship particularly desirable and make efforts to couple up with a companion to weather the winter. Who doesn’t like the idea of riding out the colder, bleaker months of the year all cozied up with somebody special? Some relationships that begin with cuffing season do go the proverbial distance, and many come to an end. Whether you find yourself single or cuffed up with a partner, it is worthwhile to attend to the most impactful relationship you have… your relationship with yourself.
In his best selling book Clarity & Connection, Yung Pueblo explores the importance of knowing one’s self. The insightful words shared by Pueblo hold wisdom that can be applied whether you are single or in relationship:
There is no other way to a life of fulfillment, happiness, and vibrant connections, but through traveling the realms of our own heart and mind. Areas that remain undiscovered are areas of potential friction that may manifest in our own mind or between us and the ones we love. All that is unexplored can show up as blocks that can stop the flow of harmony.
If we are accustomed to brave observation and practicing acceptance when inner turbulence tries to bring our attention to an unexplored or unloved part of ourselves, then the moments of friction within us or in our relationships will not become blocks. Instead, these tough moments will become fertile ground to deepen our connection and refine our commitments. Simply stated, putting the effort into knowing ourselves can only help us know others better. Loving ourselves is essential if we want to live a good life.
According to John and Julie Gottman, trust and commitment are the pillars of healthy and secure intimate relationships. Similarly to romantic relationships, we as individuals need to know ourselves well enough to trust our experience and instincts, and commitment to our personal well-being. After all, nobody can pour from an empty cup. Our relationships with ourselves, our minds, and our bodies are the most intimate, complex, and involved relationship we have in life. We are our own constant companion. Holding that in mind, why is it that personal needs are often the first to be written off or pushed aside?
Identifying and meeting your own needs is not a selfish act. In fact, it is an act of love for self and those you are in relationship with. When your needs are met, you are more equipped to show up fully for yourself and for the people you engage with. Each of us has the potential to be a safe, empathetic, and supportive companion for ourselves.
Here are some ideas to help you invest in your relationship with yourself:
Assess your self-talk. How would you describe your internal dialogue? Are you harsh, critical, or dismissive of yourself and needs? Are you gentle, compassionate, and understanding with yourself the same way you might be toward someone who is precious to you? How you think and talk about yourself will influence how you feel and what you believe about yourself.
Spend time alone. This is not to be mistaken as a prompt to isolate yourself, rather it is an invitation to spend some intentional, quality time with yourself. This is a wonderful opportunity to check in with yourself to assess your needs, engage in introspection, or simply to be in your feels.
Meet your needs as they arise. Denying, dismissing, or delaying our personal needs sends the message to yourself that you are not important or deserving. When this message is reinforced through repetition you may come to believe it.
We as individuals hold the potential to be our own greatest ally and conversely the potential to be our own personal tormentor. Explore the depths of your heart, experience the range of your emotions, and encounter yourself with curiosity, compassion, and courage.
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