The Benefits and Practice of Self-Compassion
The Latin term for compassion is misericordia. We can derive the meaning from misericordia, misery cordiality, it translates to cordiality, or kindness, toward suffering or misery. Compassion is feeling, not thinking; it is emotive, not cognitive. Compassion is to recognize suffering in another, and lend an altruistic desire for the perceived suffering to be relieved. While compassion is necessary for human survival, it is essential for healing and human thriving. (Wolf & Serpa, 2015)
Some individuals are innately compassionate people while others are not; fortunately, compassion is an emotion that can be developed or expanded. Research on the benefits of practicing self-compassion presented by Wolf & Serpa (2015) is linked to longevity of life, increased resilience, lower levels of inflammation, improved mental health and interpersonal relationships, decreased risk of burnout, lower levels of psychological distress, higher levels of life satisfaction, and reduction in symptoms of anxiety and depression. Ie., COMPASSION IS COOL!
Individuals with higher levels of self-compassion recognize that experiencing struggle, pain, and imperfection is an inevitable part of being human. There is a natural inclination to be hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Often, personal blunders are accompanied by feelings of inadequacy, critical self-judgment, feeling like a failure… the list goes on. Ruminating in these kinds of feelings is a recipe for self-isolation and shame, two significant barriers to healing and connection.
Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on the topic of self-compassion, suggests there are three parts to practicing self-compassion: Mindfulness (being aware of the pain being experienced), the shared humanity (recognition that suffering is a part of the experience of being human) and self-kindness (feeling and responding kindly toward oneself).
Some helpful tips and practices to develop self-compassion:
Take the Self-Compassion Test (Note: you do not have to provide your email to view your test results.)
Consider how you would respond to a dear friend if they were in your situation, and why you might be treating yourself more harshly. You deserve the same compassion from yourself that you would extend to another person you care for.
Practice a loving-kindness meditation. You can adapt the following phrase to what fits you. Start with something like, “May I be kind. May I be well. May I be peaceful.” and repeat three times. Next, think of someone dear to you and repeat the phrase for them 3 times. “May you be kind. May you be well. May you be peaceful.” Think of another person and repeat the loving kindness.
Adjust your negative or critical self-dialogue so you can relate to yourself in a more caring way.
Remember: you cannot ignore pain and feel compassion for it at the same time. Pain must be acknowledged.
Self-compassion is a practice of good will, and it is important to recognize that the goal is not to fight, or suppress our very human experiences of suffering. Rather, the aim is to acknowledge that the temporal moment is hard, miserable, agonizing, etcetera and to meet that pain with kindness and care because suffering, imperfection, failures, mistakes— they are all a part of the beautiful and collective human experience.
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