You keep asking for permission

There is a version of you that already knows, and you're so good at ignoring them.

You know what you want.

You know what needs to change.

You know the conversation you've been avoiding.

You know the decision you've been circling.

And yet...

You keep asking others:

What do you think?

Do you think I'm making the right choice?

Would you do this?

Do you think people will be upset?

Do you think it's too much?

Do you think I'm being selfish?

And sometimes (maybe most times?) you don't even ask out loud.

You just collect enough opinions until you can finally make a decision that feels safe.

I understand why we do this. Being validated feels good. Being agreed with feels safe. Outsourcing our decision builds a safety net for failure.

And when you're used to being the capable one, the idea of making a decision that someone else doesn't understand can feel surprisingly threatening.

But there is a cost. And it is much bigger than what you think.

Every time you hand someone else the authority to confirm your decision, you teach yourself that your own knowing isn't enough. That's how self-trust gets eroded.

Self-trust isn't knowing you'll always make the right choice. It's knowing you can make a choice, live with the consequences, learn from it, and keep moving.

That's a very different kind of confidence.

It doesn't require certainty.

It requires ownership.

So here's something to notice this week: Where are you waiting for someone to give you permission?

Permission to leave.

Permission to stay.

Permission to want more.

Permission to want less.

Permission to disappoint someone.

Permission to change your mind.

Permission to become someone they didn't expect you to become.

You don't need everyone to understand your decision before you make it.

Sometimes the decision will make sense to other people later, and sometimes it won't. You still get to choose. And if your immediate reaction is, But what if I'm wrong? Good.

You're allowed to be wrong.

Your life does not end there.

You get to adjust.

You get to learn.

You get to choose again.

You are the person who gets to live your life.

Start letting that person have a vote.

Mic.Drop.

Take gentle care,
JM