Your standards might be protecting you

You probably call it having high standards, and maybe you do.

But I want you to look a little closer because sometimes the standard isn't protecting the result. It's protecting you.

From criticism.

From disappointment.

From being misunderstood.

From looking foolish.

From failing.

From having someone realize you're not as perfect as they thought.

That's when a strength becomes a strategy for staying safe.

You work harder because you don't want anyone to find the flaw.

You overprepare because you don't want to be caught off guard.

You control the details because trusting someone else feels risky.

You edit the text twelve times because you don't want to be misunderstood.

You wait until it's perfect before you let anyone see it.

And everybody around you thinks:

Wow. You have such high standards. or...

Wow. You can manage so much.

Maybe. Or maybe you're terrified of what happens if you don't. There is a difference between excellence and perfectionism.

Excellence asks:

What does this require?

Perfectionism asks:

What if this isn't enough?

Those questions produce very different lives.

One creates discernment.

The other creates vigilance. And vigilance is exhausting.

You don't have to lower your standards.

You may need to stop using them as a weapon against yourself.

You can care deeply about the quality of your work without making every mistake mean something about your character.

You can want to be excellent without needing to be exceptional every second.

You can let someone see the unfinished version.

You can make the decision before you have every answer.

You can be human without becoming less impressive.

So look at one place in your life where you keep saying: “This is just the standard," or worse... "That's just the way it is."

Then ask: Would I still hold this standard if nobody could judge me for missing it?

That answer will tell you a lot.

Your standards should create the life you want to live.

They shouldn't become the prison you have to perform inside.

Take gentle care,
JM